here are many things that writers can struggle with across their careers, but two that certainly leap out to me are imposter syndrome and people pleasing. I mentioned both of these in my previous blog post, but only briefly, and it occurred to me that both are worthwhile going into and exploring a bit more deeply.
Imposter syndrome might be a new term to you. It certainly was to me in 2017 when I went to a seminar for postgraduate research students. This was the first time I’d come across the term, and there were a lot of nodding heads amongst the PhD students in the auditorium. This astonished me. To be accepted into a PhD, you have to have a special dedication to your area of research which the University recognises, and yet many of these very capable researchers felt like they were the little fish in the ocean.
Imposter syndrome is where you essentially feel like a fake. You feel inferior to those in the room around you, or compared to those in your field. You doubt your abilities and accomplishments, and fear being exposed as the fraud you think you are. The biggest lesson that comes with imposter syndrome is that if you’re feeling it, probably quite a few of the people around you are too, as I saw in this room of PhDs. It can be helpful to remember that the people you’re comparing yourself to might also have the same anxieties as you, it’s just that, like you, they don’t voice them.
This situation can happen when we compare where we are now in our personal journey (whether that be as an author, as an academic, or whatever other field of life you are in) with someone who’s (more often than not) in a completely different part of their journey to us. We think they’re in the same part of the path as us, but actually they could have been on this journey a lot longer, and so naturally they might seem more confident and self-assured, or more knowledgeable and more capable. And so we doubt ourselves because we don’t see the doubts or difficulties that they experience.
This is all perfectly normal. The important takeaways are a) we’re all always learning and growing, and b) you are your own best measuring stick. Instead of comparing yourself to someone else and what you assume or deduce about them and their journey, compare yourself to where you were six months or a year ago. It might take a bit of thinking, but start writing down what you’ve learnt and how you’ve grown. I promise you there will be plenty once your brain is aligned to remembering these things. And big yourself up for it! Too often we forget to recognise our own achievements. It’s not arrogant to congratulate yourself for your achievements.
Now for people pleasing.
In my experience, people pleasing is a very common thing with young writers or those just starting out on something new. This comes from being worried about how your work will be perceived, whether some people might not like it, and what kind of comments or feedback you might get from them that could be demoralising.
I have a few simple rules about this.
- Write for yourself. If you enjoy what you’re doing, and it makes you happy, that’s all that matters. You are the only person you need to please.
- Not everyone will like your work. It is absolutely physically impossible to attain universal approval. It’s just not how people work – there will always be someone who just has a preference for something else, and that’s OK. So don’t set yourself out to try and achieve an impossible task.
- Be smart about the feedback you read. This may seem like a no-brainer. But everyone and their dog has got an opinion about something. Many people like to state these, especially if they have some form of anonymity when they do. You do not have to listen to or read the comments people give you. Learn to distinguish someone mouthing off from someone with constructive criticism.
It is incredibly easy to fall into traps like this, especially if you’re not feeling particularly confident. Writers often exist in bubbles, and it can be easy to forget that things are not necessarily as we perceive them to be. The best thing you can do is to find someone you trust to read your work. They will give you the outside opinion of someone not attached to the work, with honest critique on what could be improved, but also will help encourage you and tell you what they love about what you’re doing. Knowing what you’re doing well is equally as important as knowing what could be improved on. And accept the compliments they give you! It’s not arrogance to agree that you did something well, and it will build your confidence for the future.
